February 17th, 2010 
eL. 
Once upon a time, my sister gave me a birthday card with a picture of a large loving family on it. In the background of the photo, you could see a kid hanging halfway over the fence. The caption said, “Do you know how we always pick you out in family photographs? You’re always the one who is trying to escape!”
Back before I became a crazy mom, I didn’t quite mix in with my family. In fact, I was like a drop of heathen oil in a vat full of Southern Baptist vinegar. I can clearly remember looking at my parents and shouting at them, “I am going to choose the most difficult road in life possible and I’m going to make it just to prove to you that I can!” Wow. I imagine that they half expected me to sprout a second head at any moment. My mother must’ve been wondering what she’d done wrong as a parent because even now, reading my insane statement, I’m left wondering if maybe she’d been smoking dope while I was in the womb.
That’s a joke, Mom. Don’t call and yell at me.
Needless to say, I was wild and I worried my family to death. But being the wonderful people that they are, they never gave up hope on me. They prayed that someday I would come to my senses and I did. That is what family does. They hold out hope even for the hopeless. They never stop believing, trying or loving. They are always there with open arms, ready and willing to welcome the wandering back home.
Every day I worry that my children, particularly my daughter, will be just like me. Even worse, I fear that she will not want to be anything like me. Regardless of how I score on this life-quiz called motherhood, I hope that I will always live honestly in the eyes of my children. I pray that someday, they will look back and remember a mom that loved them more than life itself… despite the fact that she had an ugly second head from time to time.
Posted in 
Tags: 
love all your blogs, but i especially love this one. made me think of the time when i left sparrow records to come home in search for you…you’d made another escape as a teenager. not sure if you knew that or not. but, yes, we did worry lots and lots about you. not just about your heart and soul, but also – simply – that you would just live to see another day. seriously. i’m so grateful for God and his grace and for going out to seek the wandering. that includes me! and i’m grateful that i have you as my little sister…a little sister that i look up to and adore and truly consider my hero. even though it was my tag-line for a while, you have shown me how to better ‘live honestly.’ how to be true to myself. and in doing so, how it actually, in turn, shows love and respect to those around me, especially family. i love you, little sister. so much so that it hurts sometimes…you know, that good, good ache you get in your heart because you love something so much.
El,
You are a great mom, a great daughter, and a great person! Your journeys have been exactly where you were to be…and the wisdom and richness you are gleaning from them illustrate for us all lessons of life, love, hope, forgivness, trust…and perhaps humility…to look past the seen for the unseen, and to never give up on anyone…because we all have intrinsic worth and value…and we all desperately desire to be loved well. You are loving your children and family well! (And I am thankful for your gift of writing and opening your heart & soul!)
Stuart
Did your family simply welcome you back with open arms or did they welcome you back on the condition that they can always hold that second head over your er, head?
I thought my family and I had moved past my young second head sprouting tendancies… but now that my teenage son has sprouted a second head they seem to think it’s OK, criticize me to him and justify his behavior because of my actions 20 years ago. Here I thought I had grown and become a good, responsible wife and Mom dealing with average teenage behaviors. How did this happen? I’m rethinking many parts of this issue you have brought up here, eL… I hope it works out better for you than it has for me.
Family is very important and sometimes they’re the only ones who haven’t given up hope. So glad you have what you have and appreciate it
E, you are a wonderful mom and as I have said before you make it look easy. I know its not but watching you with your kids makes me feel like I might be able to do this too! Great blog. Luv u!
Always be honest. Always be loving. The rest will fall into place. You are an awesome mamma, and your kids will always appreciate you for it. Love you!