Will had been watching TV in my bedroom when the realization of the bed-size injustice had obviously occurred to him.  “Mom, how come you get the biggest bed in the house?” he demanded as he stomped into the kitchen with his hands thrust angrily in the hair.

I was a bit puzzled.  “Well, I guess that’s because I’m the biggest person in the house.”

He cut his eyes at me and pointed his finger at my nose.  “But I am the man of the house and someday I will be bigger than you.”

It’s true; in the future he will tower over me with a six foot frame and most likely outweigh me by a hundred pounds.  That day is approaching rapidly and against my will.  However today, in one fell swoop he was dangling by his ankle at eye level with the Wo-Man of the house who proceeded to tickle him into submission. “Maybe someday, but not today Little Man!” I shamelessly taunted.

There’s always going to be a pecking order around this house and little does he know that Mama, no matter what his size, is ALWAYS going to be at the top of the food chain. 

Four years ago, God blessed me with a son, Will, and though it took a while for me to realize it, just this week I discovered something very important: I was wrong. Wrong. WRONG.

Boys are, in fact, the OPPOSITE of easy.  Boys are absolute trouble.

I should’ve realized it when we moved into this house.  The previous owners had a cat and had installed a “cat door” going in and out of the laundry room.  By the end of day two in our new home, we had to remove the door leaving a gaping hole in the paneling.  Why?  Will’s head kept getting stuck.

I have had to teach my son things that I never had to teach my daughter.  Important life lessons that are not found in any parenting book I’ve read.  Lessons like:

• “You are not allowed to hide from your sister in the dryer!”
• “The foot rest on the recliner is NOT a catapult!”
• “Let go!  You cannot ride up on the garage door handle!”
• “Do not stand up on the bathtub to pee in the potty!”

When I was a kid, I heard horror stories about the terror that my brother was when he was a child.  He set the woods behind our house on fire – twice.  He kept a black widow’s egg sack in a jar with holes poked in the top in his bedroom.  When the babies hatched… they were smaller than the holes.  He had pet eels who were magicians at getting out of their tanks.  I would come home from school to find them dried up on the carpet.  I know my mother pretty well and I’m surprised he made it out of childhood alive.  Sadly, I believe this is just foreshadowing of what is to come in my life.  *insert scary JAWS theme music here*